Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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