youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
