I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
