I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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