I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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