AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
