dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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