I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
