I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
