fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
