How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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