I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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