WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I understand Curling. That high.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize