Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
