The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
