Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Swine flu is the new snow day.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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