He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
