1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
