The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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