PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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