i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
