i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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