69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
