We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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