Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
