My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
