so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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