All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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