hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
