how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
