his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
