i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
