I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
