I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
