sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
