Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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