Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
