Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
