i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
