how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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