She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize