JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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