ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
