STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
