it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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