We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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