In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
