My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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