so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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