How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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