dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
