I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Mom said you looked used
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
