how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
