how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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