ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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