I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
