The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize