she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize