oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
