The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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