I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Houston, we have a squirter
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
