Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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