john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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