Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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