cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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