So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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