Pants 0. Shit 1.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
